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Revenge Plot

30 Sep

So, you’ ve decided to seek revenge. Where do you start, it’s not like you can Google Revenge Consultants. Trust me I tried, so I guess we will have to apply some good old fashion project management to our plan.

First, don’t write anything down and if you do write it in code, that way if anyone finds your notes they won’t know what you are up to. Make up a code, like a doodle code, only you will know that your doodle of the box with a heart in it = the word revenge.  To everyone else it will look like you are obsessive compulsive about doodling.

Set a goal, what level of revenge are we going for; low, medium, high or super high.

Here are some examples

  • low – Neet hair remover in the shampoo, or ExLax in the brownies
  • medium – breaking up their relationship or marriage (only use this if there are no children involved, too much collateral damage)
  • high – get them fired
  • super high – a public humiliation so great they must change their name and move out of the country

None of my revenge levels include murder, well because murder is murder it is not revenge, you want them to suffer and death is over too soon.

I always think the best kind of revenge is the one that doesn’t happen right away. The person who has done you wrong, will be lulled into a false sense of security, they will think you have moved on and all is forgiven, and then wham! You strike, you do it in such a way that they don’t know it is you. They may even confide in you about the terrible events as they unfold, what better way to get satisfaction then to see the slow mental deterioration of another humans’ life and soul.

We have a goal, we have selected a level, now we need to figure out a budget.  This is where time is helpful, we can save up for our revenge plot, skip a few lattes, movies and mani-pedis and your revenge kitty will be stocked in no time.

Wardrobe, very important, if the movie V for Vendetta taught me anything, it is the importance of wardrobe, having the right look makes a big difference.

Research, go to the classics, Shakespeare had some of the best revenge plays ever, Hamlet, Othello, if you want something more modern The Godfather saga, it is packed with revenge, but again with the murder, and horses heads.

You want your revenge to be sleek and chic, so I highly recommend ABC’s new show Revenge, Wednesdays at 10pm.

It meets all the criteria, long-term planning, bank roll, fabulous wardrobe, no small children being harmed and so far she hasn’t killed anyone.

What is your revenge fantasy?  Did you ever get revenge?

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